The Mature Masculine Requires a Mature Feminine

Note: When I refer here to men, I mean people who identify as having primarily masculine energy. And when I refer to woman, I mean people who identify as having primarily feminine energy. I acknowledge and respect that many people identify with masculinity but do not identify with the label man, or the pronouns he. Likewise with woman and she. My apologies for the short hand. Please adjust accordingly according to your gender experience. And Hell Yeah! for gender variance paving the way for all of our liberation!

In the self help and masculinity work world there is a lot of talk about “the mature masculine.” The mature masculine man knows what he wants and he is able to take initiative to get it. He is secure, confident, independent and task or goal oriented. Much of the resources out their supporting men are in getting to this state of mature masculinity. To embody these qualities and particularly to distinguish ourselves from the opposite, which is the “immature masculine.” The immature masculine is insecure, scattered, indecisive, reactive and overbearing.

The mature masculine is not a state found somewhere to the far end of the masculine/ feminine binary. It is a state of mastery of self, of knowing and living in harmony with our unique balance of both and all. It is integration of the different parts of ourselves. The mature masculine is empowered to make positive change in his life and he takes responsibility for the things in his life where he has power. He doesn’t blame others for the problems he sees around him and he doesn’t put himself above others. he sees all men and other beings as his kin and He sees and acts on his responsibility to serve them.

Understanding the masculine is helpful and working to mature our masculinity is good, important work. But it falls short if we do not understand and heal our feminine self as well. Often we find ourselves in the immature masculine because our feminine self is not safe (or doesn’t feel safe). She has not been safe to be vulnerable, to be receptive, collaborative and interdependent. In order to heal, to forgive, to come back into wholeness in ourselves we have to understand and know our feminine. We have to know her history. We have to understand and bear witness to the ways she has been bullied, pressured, or unseen in ourselves and in the world. We must admit to ourselves that this has been part of our reality, and do the work to rediscover our unique balance, our humanity.

So when we stand with other men, when we refuse to put them down, to judge or belittle them, we are fighting for ourselves too. And when we stand with woman against discrimination, and violence of any kind, we are fighting for ourselves too. When we stand and support all people in their voices being heard, and in offering their unique gifts, in becoming their biggest most empowered selves, we are reinforcing and building that for ourselves as well. We are fighting for our own inner whole self who is no longer willing to hide, or be the victim, we fight to live in a world where we can all be safe to be ourselves.

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